It's Been A While...

i know it's been a while since i last wrote, i was sick most of January after New Years with pseudomembranous colitis, but before the doctor figured out what it was, he (and i too) thought it was my appendix. but i guess it's a good thing it wasnt lol. now ive been taking probiotics because they help with my tummy and i feel back to normal again.

anywho, after being sick, i kinda strayed away from my computer for a while since every time i would look at it or read, i would just feel dizzy.

but i am back!



i am going to try and go to school sometime in the summer for photography. i want to make it more than just a hobby, and if i fail, well, at least i'll learn more things to know than what i know now :) maybe it'll improve my skills that i already have, which isnt much lol.

after hanging out with some friends, i'm slowly coming back to my original roots and i want to plant myself into my geeky/rockabilly/swing dancer dreaming/cafe hanger outer/old school style again.

i say geeky because i love games; WoW, Star Wars, Magic The Gathering. i've just picked up Magic like a few weeks ago and played with my husband who has been teaching me, and then played with my husband and his friend and his friend's wife and it was pretty fun! grant it, i lost a lot, but i also learned a thing or two as well while playing with them. ( i was also a little tipsy so my focus was off as well lol one glass will do it for me)


i say rockabilly because i was starting to like that kinda stuff when i was in my senior year of highschool, but never really got into because i didnt know anyone ( other than my cousins and they lived in LA ( i was in AZ at the time))that were really into it. but after meeting my husband's training buddies, i made new friends and they like to go see and dance at this one place where they play rockabilly music and swing. i have always wanted to learn how to swing dance! And i am hoping for an opportunity to learn sometime soon. i miss dancing a lot, like, a lot a lot. i should have taken more advantage of dancing while i was in school, but, like most people in their teens, i rebelled and slacked off because i could.

i say cafe hanger outer because i love hanging out at cafes and i forgot how much i missed hanging out at them til i went a couple weeks ago to listen to some live jazz and drink chai tea. i felt at home when i was there. i loved it so much!

i say old school style because i miss dressing like a 40s/50s girl. i didnt have vintage clothing, but i had skirts and shirts that kinda matched the eras i believe i was supposed to live in. i used to pin my hair up, not in victory rolls (though i would love to learn how to do that one day) but kinda like Gwyneth Paltrow in "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow". Very dainty and elegant. And now that my hair is long enough again, i think i'm going to try and, as i said before, go back to my roots.

i've been trying to figure myself out and after being around people who are older than me, but not by much (plus i love hanging out with people who arent my age) i've kinda been reminded of the things i miss the most and that i've been stuck in a well for the past couple years due to:
*moving to a new place, state even
*getting ill shortly after while having my husband gone all the time
*not being able to figure out what was wrong with me because doctors thought i was faking it because my husband was gone
*had family members and in-laws think i was faking it because my husband was gone
*not being able to find a job because of the pain i was in (or even now because of how bad things are)
and
*trying to live with my husband for the first time with out him being gone for most of the year.

i guess you can say i have a fresh new start at being a newly wed, even though we've been married for 5 going on 6 years, but this is the first time we are actually living together without deployments or underways. it's an interesting experience to finally have him home, but we're also learning about eachother. like i said, its interesting.

like i wrote in another post, ive been wanting a baby for the past 2 years, but i barely told my husband about it last year. i dont know if it will happen, but i would like it too. i dunno...i'm actually tired of living for myself, i want someone to live for, i want a purpose. i feel that at 25 i am ready now, but like i said, i dont know if it will happen...

i know i've wrote a lot this time around, but i had a lot on my mind and a lot of things to say, i'm pretty sure no one really cares, but i needed to let it out. a part of me is screaming inside like a child who doesnt get their way and the other part of me is hiding because she is afraid. i am at a crossroad in my life and i'm trying to figure out where i need to go and where it will take me.

wish me luck!

TTFN

Lexy ♥